Shortly after ordination, I was blessed with an opportunity for special training in what was then called “Marriage and Family Therapy”. I remember how taken I was with the concept of “deep listening” or “listening with the third ear.” Hearing what people were having trouble expressing.
I realized that was the way my high school mentor listened to me. In the spirit of “paying it forward”, that is the way I have tried to listen, not just to couples in distress, but all those I encounter. I miss many messages.
Recently Vincentians of the Eastern Province received a questionnaire with some thought-provoking questions about “racism”. I must admit I found it very stimulating to look at the many issues raised.
But I felt something was missing. I finally remembered the term “Whack-a-mole problem solving”. I realized that there were so many interrelated issues.
I finally formulated my question. There is a deeper dimension to each of the issues, an issue common to all of the issues. How do I listen to the cries of the poor? Is my listening superficial? Or deep?
Before I respond, I share some recent thinking on “listening”.
How we listen
False listening. This occurs when a person is pretending to listen but is not hearing anything that is being said. They may nod, smile and grunt in all the right places, but do not actually take in anything that is said.
Initial listening. Sometimes when we listen, we hear the first few words and then start to think about what we want to say in return. We then look for a point at which we can interrupt. We are also not listening as much as spending more time rehearsing what we are going to say about their initial point.
Partial listening. This is what most of us do most of the time. We listen to the other person with the best of intentions and then become distracted, either by stray thoughts or by something that the other person has said.
Full listening. Here the listener pays close and careful attention to what is being said, seeking carefully to understand the full content that the speaker is attempting to convey
Deep listening. Beyond the intensity of full listening, you can also reach into a form of listening that not only hears what is said but also seeks to understand the whole person behind the words. (For a more in-depth presentation visit Depth Listening from ChangingMinds.org.)
To listen deeply requires paying attention not just to the words but to understand the whole person or group of persons.
To listen deeply requires paying attention not just to the words but to understand the whole person.
Before going any further I ask you to think of your own listening patterns. We engage in all of these styles. But at which level do you listen most frequently?
How do we listen to the cries of the poor today?
Back to my question.
- How do we listen to the cries of individual poor people we encounter (and how many poor individuals do I “encounter”?)
- How do we listen to the cries of the poor clumped together as if they were all the same?
I personally found that when I listen to a poor person, I often do not listen to each one the same way and always at the same level.
I also found that when I think about how I listen to that abstraction called “the poor” I lose almost entirely a sense of full and deep listening.
PS What level of listening do you think the last four Popes meant when they call for a “theology of encounter”? I suspect they are trying to put into words the way Jesus listened to everyone in his day… and to you and me today.
What did you hear in all of this?
Click below for an audio version of the VIncentian Mindwalk.