A seminarian opened my eyes!
Some 50+ years ago, I was his supervisor in what was then called a field education program. He was sharing something that dawned on him after visiting a local prison. As he was talking with a prisoner about the love of Our Father, he realized this man had no experience of a loving father! His experience of his father was quite the opposite!
At some level, I assumed all fathers were like my father. I have always loved and admired my father. Using the image of a loving father helped me understand God’s love. The seminarian’s observation led me to appreciate my father more.
A new appreciation of my father
I don’t recall my father ever saying a word about God the Father.
Yet, I still remember very clearly the experience of my father when I was in seventh grade. I messed up badly. I was caught! (If you must know… I got caught playing hooky from school.)
My mother was furious!! Then my father came home!
To this day, I cannot forget the look of pain on his face. He was a very gentle and loving man. He was not given to anger. When he came into my room, it was clear. My father had great dreams for me. He was so disappointed and hurt by what I had done. That look was the worst punishment he could have given. And as I write this, I can still feel the emotions!
Fast forward to his last weeks on earth. He was facing major surgery from which he never recovered. He was telling my mother that he did not sleep. I can still hear words spoken in German. “So, I kept praying “Vater Unser” (Our Father).” That was the trust he had in his Father in heaven.
Our fathers carry the image of Our Father
Sociologists say it’s common for people to perceive God as like the fatherly figures in their lives. If Dad is caring, patient, and concerned, then children can believe God has those same characteristics. And the opposite holds true when a father is harsh, judgmental, or absent.
One person put it well.
My father was judging, ready to whack me for any step out of line. I toed the line through high school because I was sure that if I ever did anything to get picked up by the police (or any authority like a teacher or principal at school) I would not be bailed out or rescued. I would be abandoned.
Fathering is not limited to biological fathers.
Yet there are many ways other figures can provide the experience of a loving father or mother. This person continued …
One of my favorite books is “The Shack”. God the Father appears in at least 2 different forms — a black woman and a more traditional older man — depending on what the character needed at the time.
The example and acceptance of others who knew a loving God changed things for me.
Someone modeled for me the positive, accepting and forgiving image I never knew.
Obviously, mothers also influence our images of God as a loving parent.
This wonderful analogy works in another direction. We can learn about parenting by looking at God! Just think of the Feast of the Holy Family.
The basic insight here is that each of us can be significant signs pointing to the reality we call Our Father.
For further thought
- What lessons have I learned about being for others an image of a loving God?
- How can I be sensitive to those who were not blessed with loving images of God?
Click below for an early audio version of this Vincentian Mindwalk
Father, you have a way of bringing out thoughts and emotions that had been buried or hidden for quite some time. “Vater Unser” did that for me. I don’t know German but I could feel the impact of those words
When I was still early in my journey as a member of the St Vincent de Paul Society, we met with a young fellow who was from the Netherlands. Unlike most requests, he was well supported financially but was having trouble navigating the red tape that surfaced when he tried to access the funds in the United States. It was an interesting visit for a number of reasons, none the least of which was expanding our definition of a Person in need.
A routine question asked in a home visit is whether the Person has a faith tradition they identify with and whether they are affiliated with a particular church or other place of gathering. He responded that he was Baptized Catholic and had gotten his First Communion but some ill words exchanged between his mother and the pastor and they never returned to church.
Before we left, as is customary, we asked if he would like to pray with us and whether he had a particular prayer that he would like to say. He didn’t object and agreed to pray our pre-printed prayer from the Society which ends with the “Lord’s Prayer.” When we finished, there was an unusual expression on his face, which was surprising since he had been a fairly upbeat and intelligent person but now seemed concerned. I asked if something were wrong and he shared that he had never heard the Our Father in English. He was surprised how hearing it affected him. His remarks changed us all. We all encountered Jesus and the Father’s love that day.
The “Our Father,” the “Lord’s Prayer,” or “Children’s Prayer” as I like to call it sometimes, has a special impact each time we pray it.
I love the last two questions of this Mindwalk.
Thank you, Fr. John, for offering them to us, to me.
They will certainly be very useful to me in quite difficult situations especially when dealing with people who think that they are almost “God” but do not have anything resembling a “father’s love”.