In my mid-eighties, I knew the day would come when I would no longer drive. About 10 days ago it actually came.! Since then, I have thought about the three times in my life I have experienced this rite of passage. First, the day I got my learner’s permit. Then fifty years later when my mother finally stopped driving. And now, about two weeks ago when I voluntarily decided not to drive. Each filled with feeling!s!
I learned to love driving from my father. It has become a welcome way of life for me. I would think nothing of driving, by myself, to Florida to visit my parents.
In this Vincentian Mindwalk I invite you to share my surprised reaction at no longer driving a car… and what I learned from it.
My experience
Driving was such a part of me that I never really envisioned not being able to drive. Then last spring all residents of the Vincentian Motherhouse over 80 were asked to take a rather extensive driving test. Two years into a diagnosis of Parkinson’s I knew the day was coming sooner than later. But my good friend “Arthur Itis” beat Mr. Parkinson. Of course, the new Philadelphia driving style of cars passing on the right at red lights also played into the decision!
What I was not expecting was my reaction to my last drive. I really enjoyed my last drive on a beautiful Fall Day! But what surprised me most is what I learned about myself since then. Up until then, driving was a part of who I am!
Here I was losing an important piece of my identity… someone who could drive!
Exploring my identity
Now I found myself realizing that this ability was not my core identity.
I began to walk down the corridors of my mind. I came to realize that my identity was more deeply rooted than any skill or talent that I had. I don’t think I had ever really faced that before. Who I am transcends any skills, talents, or recognition by others.
Important as they are it matters little whether I have the initials CM after my name or any academic initials. In the past, I have occasionally quoted Augustine… “I am neither the better for the praise of others nor worse for what they think of me”
My deepest identity is that I was created by God out of love and invited to pay that love forward to all others who share that common identity of being created by God. I am God’s creation!!!! At root my dignity is that God created me!
The two Francis
In Fratelli Tutti Pope Francis reminds us that his namesake St. Francis saw all of creation as his brothers and sisters.
St. Francis describes the brother/sister relationship he had with the sun, moon, stars, wind, etc … in fact, with the whole cosmos! It was more than poetry for him.
A new understanding of dying and rising
I have come to realize that voluntarily giving up driving is part of the dying and rising process I have spoken of all too glibly in the past.
Letting go of something I had unconsciously thought of as essential to who I am, helped me become more aware of my radical dignity as God’s creation.
Now I think of the many losses in the process of aging as part of the much larger process of growing in awareness of the more radical beauty and dignity of being created and loved by the God who creates all.
Can you think of examples when you have experienced a loss and discovered it opened up new horizons and insights?
(In some ways this Mindwalk is a followup to an earlier one “This Train Is Bound for Glory”)
Click below for an early audio version of this Vincentian Mindwalk
Thank you for sharing this deeply personal moment. We are facing this decision with our mom who is not voluntarily giving up her driving. I pray that she reads this and will come to understand the insights you shared.
Sobering reflection. I hope and pray the transition finds a home in your heart.
As I approach the mid-70s age range, it’s easier to imagine when turning over the keys to someone else is necessary and far more safe. I pay more attention now to public transportation options (especially buses and trains) and how they require a lot more walking and waiting. One of those continues to not be my best attribute and with the hills and sprawl of Philadelphia the other becomes more a challenge.
I often look to Jesus’ life or Mary’s to find some similar experience to what I’m going through at the moment. Old age doesn’t seem to be documented for them in the Scriptures, so I guess we have to write our own chapters for that stage of life.
Blessings and peace.
I really liked the reflection–we are much more than what we do. I think most of the Saints could not drive. We are how and who we serve.
I am in my early 80s and I have to drive. I have to go to the store and the gas station and the pharmacy. My husband cannot drive as he has dementia and gets lost. But I have good neighbors who help. Give me 3 or 4 years, and I will be in your position, padre.
This is a new adventure, being in my 80s. I have never been here before.
I read your text ” Driving a car for the last time” which I enjoyed very much and gave me elements for a deep personal reflection, which although I had done before, I had never synthesized or written it down. For me, something that I felt part of myself is my work as a Vincentian Volunteer, as an AIC Volunteer.
I was the founder, some 35 years ago, of the Marillac Center, a community development center in a marginalized area of the city, where there are serious problems of drug addiction, insecurity and violence, particularly against women and children.
Some time ago, from one day to the next, I developed a disease called “Orthostatic Tremor”, which consists of a tremor in both legs, which occurs when standing without moving. I consulted several neurologists and no one knew about this condition, which is very rare, since there are a little more than a thousand registered cases around the world. No one knows the causes, nor is there an effective treatment, only palliatives, medicines that are losing their effectiveness.
For that reason, I had to leave the Marillac Center and I spent a short time feeling very bad. I thought they had taken away an integral part of me. I also could not drive, nor could I do many other activities that require standing. Shortly after I became “unemployed,” I began to reflect on what my life would be like going forward. I thought that I am not a tremor, not a pair of legs, not even a body. I felt that God created me in his image and likeness and gave me a mind, a spirit that cannot be affected by any physical discomfort. I went back to my volunteer work, mostly in front of a computer, helping in two homes for the elderly and as a counselor for our local Association. I went back to the times when I worked in the Commission to promote Systemic Change and I feel very happy and grateful to my Creator, who has given me so many abilities to be able to serve.
Thank you very much for your testimony, which touched me deeply.
Dear Patricia,
Thank you sharing your story with us.
It is so good to be back in contact.
Dear Patricia,
Thank you sharing your story with us.
It is so good to be back in contact.
Thank you, Fr. John, for sharing such a deep reflection.
As soon as I read this Mindwalk, I printed a copy to mail to my 96 years old mother-in-law who had to take that step quite unwillingly a few years ago and often brings up this issue.
I believe that she could find some consolation in your words and a new look at our human condition.